uR mUnNy dAsHbOaRd (nO rEfUnDs)
hOw 2 gIt rIcH qUiCk (nO sCaM)
fOlLoW dEsE sImPlE sTePs tO bEcOmE mIlLiOnAiRe (rEsUlTs nOt tYpIcAl)
sTeP 1: bUy hIgH
wHeN sToNk gO uP, fOmO iN! bUy aT aLl tImE hIgH fOr mAxImUm pRoFiT
sTeP 2: sElL lOw
wHeN sToNk gO dOwN, pAnIc! sElL fOr lOsS tO aVoId mOrE lOsS
sTeP 3: rEpEaT
kEeP dOiNg tHiS uNtIl eItHeR rIcH oR hOmElEsS (50/50 cHaNcE)
sTeP 4: bLaMe oThErS
wHeN bRoKe, bLaMe: 1) fEd 2) sHoRtS 3) eLoN 4) uR cAt
pRo tIp fRoM wAlL sTrEeT:
"tHe sEcReT tO iNvEsTiNg iS tO bUy wHeN oThErS aRe fEaRfUl aNd sElL wHeN oThErS aRe gReEdY... pSyChE! jUsT yOlO oN mEmE sToNkS aNd pRaY."
- wArReN bUfFeT (pRoBaBlY)
uR mEmEfOlIo 📊 (100% lEgIt)
| aSsEt | aMoUnT | vAlUe | % oF pOrTfOlIo | 24h |
|---|---|---|---|---|
dOgE
|
420.69 | $42.00 | 60.5% | ▲ 420.69% |
sHiB
|
69,420,000 | $6.90 | 9.9% | ▲ 69.42% |
pEpE
|
800,813,500 | $8.08 | 11.6% | ▲ 8008.5% |
bTc
|
0.000042 | $0.42 | 0.6% | ▼ 2.0% |
eTh
|
0.00069 | $0.69 | 1.0% | ▼ 1.5% |
sOl
|
0.042 | $0.42 | 0.6% | ▼ 3.3% |
dEbT tRaCkEr 💸 (oH nO)
| wHo u oWe | wHy | aMoUnT | dUe dAtE | sTaTuS |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| bAnK | "iNvEsTmEnT" iN dOgE | $42,069.00 | yEsTeRdAy | oVeRdUe |
| mOm | "tEmPoRaRy lOaN" | $5,000.00 | cHrIsTmAs 2023 | oVeRdUe |
| cReDiT cArD | oNlYfAnS sUbScRiPtIoNs | $1,337.00 | aPr 30, 2025 | dUe sOoN |
| iRs | fOrGoT tO pAy tAxEs lOl | $20,000.00 | aPr 15, 2025 | oVeRdUe |
| rOoMmAtE | rEnT (fOrGoT aGaIn) | $800.00 | mAy 1, 2025 | pEnDiNg |
| dRuG dEaLeR | aDdErAlL fOr tRaDiNg | $214.69 | aSaP | oVeRdUe |
hOw 2 fIx uR dEbT (mAyBe):
- tAkE oUt nEw cReDiT cArD
- bUy mOrE cRyPtO wItH iT
- hOpE iT 100x
- iF nOt, rEpEaT sTePs 1-3
*nOt fInAnCiAl aDvIcE. mAy rEsUlT iN hOmElEsSnEsS.
bAd fInAnCiAl aDvIcE 💩 (fReE!)
fRoM "eXpErTs" oN tHe iNtErNeT (tRuSt mE bRo)
"sElL yOuR hOuSe aNd bUy pEpE cOiN. tHiS iS nOt a dRiLl. 1000x iNcOmInG nExT wEeK. sOuRcEs: tRuSt mE bRo."
"i pUt mY kIdS' cOlLeGe fUnD iNtO a mEmE sToCk aNd nOw i'M dOwN 99%. bUt i'M sTiLl hOlDiNg bEcAuSe dIaMoNd hAnDs 💎🙌. tHiS iS tHe wAy."
"0dTe oPtIoNs aRe fReE mOnEy. jUsT yOlO yOuR pAyChEcK iNtO sPy pUtS eVeRy mOnDaY. i'Ve lOsT $50k dOiNg tHiS bUt wHeN iT hItS iT'S gOnNa bE hUgE."
"i dOn'T uNdErStAnD bLoCkChAiN bUt i pUt mY lIfE sAvInGs iNtO a sHiBa iNu cLoNe cAlLeD 'wOoF wOoF cOiN'. mY gRaNdKiDs sAy iT'S a sCaM bUt tHeY dOn'T uNdErStAnD tHe mEtAvErSe."
uR fInAnCiAl hEaLtH
uR sPeNdInG
uR bEsT "iNvEsTmEnTs" 🚀
| wHaT | aMoUnT | rEtUrN |
|---|---|---|
| pEpE cOiN | $100 | 8008.5% |
| dOgE iN 2021 | $50 | 4200% |
| gMe cAlLs | $500 | 1000% |
| nFt oF uR cAt | $0.69 | 420% |
uR wOrSt "iNvEsTmEnTs" 💩
| wHaT | aMoUnT | rEtUrN |
|---|---|---|
| dOgE iN 2025 | $5,000 | -99% |
| fTx tOkEn | $2,000 | -100% |
| lUnA cLaSsIc | $1,000 | -100% |
| 401k | $10,000 | -99.9% |
fInAnCiAl "aDvIcE"
pOsTeD 4/28/2025 aT 4:20 p.m. eT bY dIaMoNdHaNdS420
pOsTeD 4/28/2025 aT 3:33 p.m. eT bY aPeNoSeLl
pOsTeD 4/28/2025 aT 2:22 p.m. eT bY cRyPtOpUmPeR
pOsTeD 4/28/2025 aT 1:11 p.m. eT bY yOuNgWoLf
fInAnCiAl hOrRoR sToRiEs
pOsTeD 4/28/2025 aT 12:34 p.m. eT bY hOdLgAnG
pOsTeD 4/28/2025 aT 11:11 a.m. eT bY vItAlIkFaN69
pOsTeD 4/28/2025 aT 10:01 a.m. eT bY vAnLiFeTrAdEr
uR cRyPtO bAg
| cOiN | aMoUnT | vAlUe | 24h |
|---|---|---|---|
| dOgE | 420.69 | $42.00 | 420.69% |
| sHiB | 69,420,000 | $6.90 | 69.42% |
| pEpE | 800,813,500 | $8.08 | 8008.5% |
| bTc | 0.000042 | $0.42 | -2.0% |
| eTh | 0.00069 | $0.69 | -1.5% |
| sOl | 0.042 | $0.42 | -3.3% |
uR wAtChLiSt (iF u hAd mOnEy)
sToNkS u wIsH u cOuLd aFfOrD
| sYmBoL | pRiCe | % |
|---|---|---|
| gMe | $420.69 | 69.42% |
| aMc | $69.42 | -42.0% |
| bBbY | $0.69 | -99.9% |
| tSlA | $800.85 | 4.20% |
uR rEcEnT sEaRcHeS
| hOw 2 gEt rIcH |
| dEbT rElIeF |
| fOoD sTaMpS |
| bAnKrUpTcY lAwYeRs |
fInAnCiAl mEmE oF dAy
"wHeN u cHeCk uR pOrTfOlIo"